A CLARIFICATION (as posted from my Tumblr)
It was brought to my attention today that someone close to me reads my blog here on Tumblr, but wasn't familiar with the fact that I like the ladies. So I will clarify...
(Also, the Sam mentioned in a previous reblogged post was NOT my twin brother, Samuel. Sam-my-brother is and was born male and with male counterparts, so there was no transition necessary. That was a friend named Sam who wrote the coming out letter.)
But speaking of which I have one of my own...
Dear ___________ (Whoever was not previously aware...)
First of all, I apologize for your hearing about this over the internet. That must seem a little odd, viewing all these posts about girls and whatnot with no context. So I'm sorry about that. I guess it never occurred to me that I needed to make a note of my sexuality on my blog. It's just one natural part of who I am, and my mother, who I originally sent my blog link to, already knows, so I didn't mention it via e-mail. That goes for my friends, as well, who reading my blog already know of my affectional orientation. Most people in direct interaction with my life have already known for quite some time, so I didn't think to make a note of it on my tumblr. Also, personally, it's just a part of who I am, and unless someone is interested to know specifically, I've never found a need to blatantly disclose that aspect of my identity with them (mainly, as you will discover, it's just a pain in the ass to constantly explain). They'll assume what they will, and accept what they will. As Dr. Seuss put it, "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
So, assuming that you don't mind, I will explain further...
For conversation's sake, I'm gay. I don't specifically or exclusively identify as such personally, but it's a commonly-known go-to label for me. As for labels, I neither embrace nor shun them. I find them very useful for quick categorizations for demographics and stuff- they're useful to organize groups and many people identify with labels. And that's okay! Some people don't like labels. And that's okay too! In conversation, most people don't delve into the subject of the exact parameters in between which the people they are attracted to lie. For most people, it's way too laborious to effectively convey their sexual/affectional orientation in everyday conversation, so labels are quite handy to apply to get a simple message across. That being said, I am a firm believer in fluidity in the context of sexuality, and in life in general for that matter. And in this aspect, people are too quick to categorize and marginalize everything about a person's identity. It's belittling, and unnecessary. No one wants to feel like they're being placed in a box. And labels can definitely be taken too far. Like I said, though, sexuality is fluid. You just like who you like, you are attracted to who you are attracted to, and you love who you love. There shouldn't be boundaries to this concept. It's honestly the most absurd thing ever!
But in humor of a large portion of the modern population's instinct to categorize and latch onto labels, I will break my orientation down for you as best I can...
(I'll start by giving some definitions as I'm aware that many people may not be familiar with them...)
Homosexual/homoromantic (Gay): Having the romantic and/or sexual attraction to members of the same sex or gender. Read more about that here.
Lesbian: A female with sexual and/or romantic desire exclusively for other females. Here be a more specific definition.
Pansexual/Panromantic (also known as omnisexual/omniromantic): Having the sexual and/or romantic attraction to people regardless of their gender identity or biological sex. Here's more on that.
(To me, this is very different from being bisexual, as bisexuality still plays into gender binaries and doesn't specifically comment on, for instance, transgenders or intersex people. Also, personally, I find that pansexuality is more the attraction to people, rather than the attraction to both kinds of genitals. That's not to say that that's all bisexuals care about. Just for me, I find that pansexuality is all-inclusive rather than dual-inclusive.)
Demisexual: A person who does not experience sexual attraction until they form a strong connection with someone, often in a romantic relationship. (demisexual, as in, halfway between asexual and sexual). You can read more about it here.
And just to throw it in there for the part of me that doesn't appreciate labels...
Pomosexual: A neologism for a person who avoids sexual/affectional orientation labels such as homosexual or heterosexual. Not to be confused with asexuality, which is another sexual orientation. This just means a person who understands and embraces that sexuality is fluid and chooses not to dabble with the boundaries of gender, separatism, and essentialist notions of sexual orientation. Read more here.
Some other (not all) members of the LGBTQQIAA community may include
- Bisexual
- Transgender
- Queer
- Questioning
- Asexual
- Ally
- Intersex
- etc...
Hopefully I don't need to define those...just look 'em up if you need to know!
Basically, I see myself as a combination of some of these terms- I like to think of my sexual/affectional orientation as a fine culinary dish with many ingredients that form together to make a unique piece of awesome!
So I identify somewhere close to a pansexual-demisexual-lesbian. I could go for pomosexual, but where's the fun in that!? Basically what this means to me (and it could very well make absolutely no sense to anyone else) is that I identify simply as gay or lesbian, because I am really only attracted to girls. That's a little difficult though, because as I've always felt I have a somewhat unmotivated sex drive, and I haven't really experienced sexual attraction to anyone except for those with whom I already have an emotional connection. So that's where the demisexuality comes in. I am gay, but under the circumstance that I find myself emotionally and then sexually attracted to someone who isn't female, who would I be to deny them just because of the technicality that I'm a lesbian!? Basically, I'm homoromantic, but I would potentially be open to anyone. I wouldn't really go on dates with guys, and the thought of being physically intimate with them frankly scares and slightly nauseates me, but I won't entirely burn that bridge. I know that's complicated, and truth be told, my affectional/sexual orientation is a lot more complicated than that...but perhaps that gives you some idea of where I lie on the infinite spectrum of sexuality.
So now that that's cleared up, I hope that doesn't change any thoughts or feelings you have about me. I'm a humble person, but I'm not apologetic about who I am and I won't just say "Sorry, I'm gay!"
I'm not sorry. I'm very proud, because I know I'm amazingly special and beautiful, no matter who emotionally stimulates me. I really do hope that this doesn't change your view of me, because this has always been and will always be who I am. That would be unfortunate, but I'm not a different person just because my affectional/sexual orientation has been officially disclosed to the public.
For who this is specifically targeted to, I love you! And if you just reading this, I most likely love you as well!
If you've made it this far, thank you for listening to (or I supposed reading) my long rant. I hope this gives you a better idea of just another aspect of who I am, and that you appreciate the uniqueness that is me and love me all the more for it.
Sincerely,
Emily.
